I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
