If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
