I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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