the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
