shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
