He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
