I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
