Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
the condom got lost in my hair
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
How's work?
Spinning.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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