matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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