I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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