There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
soo... how was my night?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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