There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize