isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
