Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
