woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
