when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
