not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
