i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
