hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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