I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
