I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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