I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
