i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
