Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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