Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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