Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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