the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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