I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
