smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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