I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
my being single is dangerous.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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