it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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