just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize