I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
