Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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