life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
