My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
