if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
