Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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