Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He better not be in your backpack
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I party with great urgency now.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
