I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
