you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
