Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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