I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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