And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
