I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
