Apparently you make a good broom.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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