you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
