he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
