This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
