the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
