I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
