C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
