Pappa wants mamma naked
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
honey bunches of taint.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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