as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
