I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
