I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
There's even glitter on my cock...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize