the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
