I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
