Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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