guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
