he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
