She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
