The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
