I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
