I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
