Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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