Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
