That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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