I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
