More tranny stories later!
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
