And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Holy sore nipples Batman
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
